Just a couple of days later, I fed my baby for the last time and then started the chemotherapy. I knew I had to have the chemo to give myself a chance of surviving this illness but I knew I was going to lose my hair and feel so ill. I did lose my hair but I managed to keep the sickness at bay. I had 4 courses of chemotherapy, each different. It involved staying in isolation which was part of the battle. I had no immune system so staying in isolation lowered the risk of catching an infection which could end up fatal. Isolation for almost 6 months (with just a few days out) was tough, I felt I was missing out on so much. I would watch as my friends and family would push my baby out in the pram I had chosen when I was expecting him. I would listen to my 6 year old as he told me about his school nativity play and all of the things he was doing, I missed being a Mum so much. It broke my heart to say goodbye to my little boy everyday and it never got any easier. It was then that it made me realise that I had taken everything for granted; I promised myself that if I survived, I would never complain about reading a bedtime story, doing the school run or playing football again!
The worse time for me was when I caught a hospital bug, C Diff. I have never felt so ill and I hope I never feel like that again. It took a long time to get over but I kept fighting as I knew I had 2 children that needed me. It was at this time that I decided to start up a charity, to help others with Leukaemia. I knew I had to make something positive come out of this. I started work on some fundraising events whilst in hospital and the charity was up and running in 2006. Eventually the end of the treatment had arrived. The chemo had worked but it was now just about waiting, resting and keeping as well as I could. I had dreamed about going home, being a Mum again and doing the ‘normal’ everyday things that I had so missed. If only it had been that easy. I was so weak and still ill and going home was not as easy as I had expected. It was a difficult time. The running of the house had changed and I felt like a stranger in my own home. I was frustrated that I couldn’t do what I had hoped; I was desperate to get back to my old self.